Just an update of thoughts.

So I only have 4 more exams to do; still feels like forever though. I'm not quite sure what I want to do in the summer, I've told myself that I wanted to do little projects in the summer, that way I don't feel like I've completely wasted my time.

So I started looking up what I could do with my spare time, good old google! I swear it has the answer to everything- if not the meaning of life one day... Anyways, I came across this site with loads of ideas for toddlers all the way up to technical glass blowers, so nothing sort of a good range of abilities. I wanted to try out some of these ideas, but with my skill I'm not sure how far it's going to get me! But I have decided to try and make some sort of branding and personal making (not sure what sort of things I will make yet) and if it does become a success with what I make maybe try and sell some of it?

I know this is way too ambitious for someone who has no real clue about what sort of audience, what to make, how to brand it, how to sell it... So only a couple of flaws in the plan... But I have 3 months of free time, so I think that's a good learning trial! Hopefully it will give me some inspiration for my blog as well, showing my fails and successes of trying to make things for the first time! Always a good read seeing other people's fail!

So my ideas so far is-

• Jewellery making- I already have loads of glass beads stashed away at home along with wire and a jewellery making set that I never use, so it would be nice to make something of that. So that already gives me loads of different pieces to do- earrings, bracelets, necklaces, anklets, rings... 
• Customising clothes- I'm not entirely sure how I would do this, but I know I have tried in the past to make some shorts, and if I get my sewing machine working again who knows? Bits of bleach/ dip dye? Embellish it? (okay this one is probably a bit far fetched for my skills, but it's always worth a fun try!)
• Maybe selling some paintings or drawings? (again a bit far fetched for what I can usually paint, but again I can just paint something- again no idea what- and post it on here and see the responses first before I decide to offer it up to the public eye!). 
• And finally even try and create some sort of brand name from this all- Of course it's not really going to be the first priority because I want to see the comments and responses I get from this first. I don't want to give a brand name to something that will only get bad recommendations from it! 
• Where to sell? Well I will keep you up to date on the things that I think I should sell, or see if anyone likes it on here first- so it's just a select audience. But then if it does actually come to the point of selling things I though ebay could always be a start? It's just easy to get things across through the internet, rather than having to set up some sort of advertising to let people know you are even selling... Too much work for something that just is a bit of fun!

So this is my summer plan- to try something new, even if it is completely over ambitious, it's worth a try and hopefully won't leave me at a loose end! Hope to keep you updated, and hope to hear what you think about my attempts and the idea! 

Ellie. 

A solitary tear.

That moment you just want to break down. When you realise that you can't do anything better than just cry. But yet you still have that ashamed feeling of being completely useless, that you can do nothing productive, nothing meaningful or worth while. But cry.

I guess this is just an after thought to all the times I have cried for all the wrong reasons. Crying for people that shouldn't mean something to you, crying for someone who never really cared. But I guess it's just human nature to hope and expect the feeling to be mutual, that caring to be mutual.

why do we always have that ashamed feeling that comes with just letting things go just for once? Isn't it better to let things out than let them eat away at you? So why is it such a weakness to let people in and see you cry?


Ellie. - just a thought. 

It's finally time to start saying goodbye.

Just those last couple of weeks, a couple more lessons, 13 more exams. Then it's over. Everything I have worked for up to this point. I was thinking to myself about this is going to become such a relief when I have finally done everything, but what am I going to do with myself for a whole 3 months! I've always had something else I have needed to be doing in the back of my head making me think about what time I have, but without any more work where does that leave me? Well, it leaves me for a whole 3 months without a care, which of course is a good thing after all this build up of stress, but I think I will start becoming lazy. So I have decided that this blog is in need of a lot more love than it has been getting, as well as focusing on more productive things; like reading all the books I have told myself that I will eventually read! I will put up bits of art work, just so I don't turn completely insane with nothing else to do! So this was just a post so it gave me a bit of a push to finally tell myself it will all be over soon! And that a 3 month- no work holiday is going to be what I need! Even if it means a slight bit of laziness! Sorry for the repetitive posts about work, stress and how this blog will get better. But is controlling my life quite hugely at the moment, so I guess it's only natural to see that in my blog! Ellie. Also good luck to anyone else doing their exams :) mine start monday!

Support.

Support- that word that makes even the worst situation seem to slightly melt away into a less intimidating form. 

It just surprises me how the human race works; how we have these "destroyers", "sheep", "victims" and "fixers/supporters"; yet we all balance each other out. The names really say it all- people that destroy everything in their path, the people that just follow the crowd and do anything to fit in, the people that are the butt of every 'joke' or bad word and those people that are always there no matter what fixing all problems.

But even with these groups of the "good Vs. bad" people, we seem to cancel each other out. But the strangest thing I find about human nature of these groups is that the person can switch from group to group depending on the situation, and end up in a group you never expected them to be in.

Lately I have been feeling this, where someone you once knew changes, maybe for better or for worse. But they aren't the same person any more. Making your opinion of that person change and change their group. Or people you don't even know become someone you can fully trust everything in.

It just made me realise that it is human nature to help, it it human nature to show resentment and harsh words at times. But no matter what we feel about each other there will always be someone else to pick you up or to put you down.

So it's just about not wasting time on people that will never show you the gratitude you deserve. And showing the people that give you support you can return the favour. And if you really want to be generous be the person every one smiles at - the person who supports everyone without even knowing them.

Getting support from people that don't even know you that well feels like the world has finally noticed that you need that security blanket. You may not ever talk to them again, but just knowing what ever slip up you make you can rely on them to be there.

Ellie.

THE one.

I'm sorry this isn't going to be a usual post, but hopefully something people can understand and maybe relate to it (but also give sympathy for those people who have been in this position).

I don't really talk about relationships, and where that gets you. But going to have a shot at it:
You fall in love, you fall in love for all the right reasons, you fall because you want that person to catch you. You don't fall because you want to feel the pain of landing without a parachute. So why is it such a crime to love someone who doesn't love you back? There shouldn't be any shame or embarrassment about it, it should be seen as a moment where you show you're full trust in that person, so if they don't return it doesn't mean it's over. It doesn't mean a dead end. It just means that their trust isn't where yours is.

"If you can't go a day without thinking about them don't give up". 

You're my best friend. You may not be "perfect". You may not have the most articulate ways of expressing yourself. You maybe insensitive. You maybe completely hopeless. But you are you. And I love you for your flaws and you're stupid ways.

Your flaws are what makes you most captivating and unique, it isn't your downfall. 

No one is ever going to fill the space you leave. No one is going to be my childhood best friend. No one is going to remember all those stupid little things like you do. No one is going to have such an amazing family. No one is going to be you.

Letting you go...
Is it me being selfish trying to keep you, or just hopeful?
Are you going to be happier without me? Or with another girl?
Are you going to forget about me? Regret "us"?

So many questions, you create this bubble of self doubt. This self hatred that you let it get this bad, that you let yourself fall. Fall flat onto your face.

I know he is so perfect to me, even if he or everyone else doesn't see it.

I don't care what people think. 

How can you feel this way if you don't even get this love back? How can you feel so attached?

Every girl wants that happy ending. Every girl wants to find "THE ONE". Every girl wants to find her knight in shining armour. Every girl wants you to be their best friend. 

So don't play with my heart. 

Ellie. 

P.s Sorry for the rather large rant, that had no real structure, just another one of things that is filling my head up with mush, and just about the time I really need it before exams. SIGH. -.- 

Because there are so many ways of expressing yourself.

Sorry for the lack of posts, I promise after all my exams are done my focus is going to be straight back on to my blog. But it seems I have found other things beyond work that seems to get all the remaining time I have. That's things like instagram, or pottermore, or music. I don't know why, but it seems the busier you are the more distracted you get by other things, I'm not sure if it's just me though! So if any of you like my art work of photography, I hopefully will be setting up some pictures on my instagram account too. So if you want to add me- 07elgr, please do! Again, it will be a slow progress to get running, and probably a bad idea to spread myself over different technology sites. But maybe might just add some variety! Also reciprocal following- follow you if you follow me :) Again sorry for lack of posts, and boring ones- I will dedicate more time to my beloved blog I promise! Ellie.