Feeling a bit low.

It doesn't feel quite like rock bottom yet, but I think I'm getting there. At high speed. 

It's just the simple little things getting you down, but getting you down so often you just really cannot pick yourself back up and imagine it didn't happen. Imagine that it didn't hurt. Imagine that you can get on with your life as if you are still the happy person every one expects you to be.

I mean even subjects I don't like, that I have no reason to try that hard for (because I am neither taking them for A level and I have already got the grades, just retaking to get better ones) I am wasting all my energy on. And making me feel like I can't even manage to get enough enthusiasm to even do the things I promised myself.

It's stupid the way this happens. How the tiny things mount up, and creating something bigger than something that could potentially mean a lot more. I mean I came on here thinking I was going to put out something inspirational to cheer me up a bit, but I kept imagining how I should be working- how every spare moment should be working. I found I have lost a follower- and now this is making me doubt even my blog. The one thing that is truly me, and lifts my spirits a bit. It got me thinking if my moods have been affecting my posts so much so that that reader does not want to read any more? Or that my style has changed for the worse? This is like my get away from things, showing my true self, so it means a lot if someone doesn't like it- or even worse doesn't like it any more...

Why is that the self doubt seems to come rolling in just on the moment you really don't need anything else to bring you down?

I apologise for all the rather depressing things lately, and the lack of any real posts, they will get better, I will perk up again to my old self- but please don't run away in the mean time! D:

Ellie.