Time to say goodbye!

I think it's time to finally give up on my world of blogging, I just haven't got the motivation for it anymore. I used to love writing on my blog, but now it just seems like a chore, no matter how hard I try to make it interesting for myself and the followers! But I rely more on instagram now, I already have more followers on there than I do on my blog, and I have other commitments I need to take on to...

So sorry to anyone that wanted updates and good news on here! But if you are interested in buying some of my friendship bracelets, (the art of which I am still perfecting) add me on instagram, and will soon make an 'etsy' account to buy them!

Ellie,

p.s Thank you to all my loyal followers! I just don't have the time anymore! 

I got my results yesterday!

I was so panicked yesterday- finally finding out what two years of annoying GCSE exams would finally come to.

6 A*'s, 6 A's and 1B! So happy! I have A*'s in all my wanted sixth form subjects! I had to ring the sixth form with my results the same day, and they got back to me in a couple of hours saying that I have all my subjects and a place there- and my results were impressive!

Just so relieved- so much worry! How did everyone else do?

Ellie.

Summing up Sunday!

This is a new weekly thing- and just a bit of a trial. But what I want to mention on this summing up is how we all adapt and change.

We all have natural instincts to change anything we dislike about ourselves/situations, or change to make us cope with reality better. To the extremes of life and death all the way to making money and keeping ourselves busy. But sometimes it really surprises me how people you don't expect to change; do change. But I guess that's all about your determination, and really being able to see the better future and the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure I've done a post on this before, but it still surprises me and gives me that inspiration to be someone for the better (not just for you but others around you as well), and rise to the challenge of being the better person no matter what life throws at you.

But on a small scale I'm already winning some of that battle with this this week and recently- I have become more determined and focused in things that make me happy, rather than trying so hard at being someone I'm not, and don't want to be. I guess this week has been a bit of a realisation that sometimes not everything can be fixed, but in seeing that you can move on with your life and make it something you actually want to live in.

So this week- Summing up Sunday- I just wanted to say that this is the start of a the happy care free time, doing what you love, love what you're doing, and not wasting it on things that are bringing you down.

Friendship bracelet style!

I have managed to do a handful of different designs and patterns for my friendship bracelets, I have already posted the picture to my separate Friendship Bracelet page on my blog! I think I will only upload photos with a brief caption there- but if anyone is interested in buying any, just write a comment and we can arrange something! The bracelets on there at the moment are quite simple ones; I have already made a couple more (a bit harder), so I will be updating the collection soon!

I was also wondering if showing a tutorial of a couple of them would be of any interest? So comment and I will try my best to make more, and make tutorials if that would be any help to anyone!

 Here's the collection so far with my simple (first trial ones), but I might do an update tomorrow just of some more difficult designs!

Rainy photography.

I set myself a task to take pictures in the rain,(this post I made a couple of weeks ago). I finally got round to it- my two favourite ones will go on instagram as well. But here they are- the rainy/gloomy day that I challenged myself to take photos of plants and flowers.


The rain had mostly stopped by the time I got out there- I didn't exactly want to be there when it was completely pouring it down! But the sky is grey, so I thought that the photographs would be dimly lit, but in fact it seemed to be one of those more reflective days where the clouds are almost white- so it was actually quite light outside. I think that made it easier to capture the photos in a good light, but I don't think it captured the essence of what I wanted- a darker gloomier mood (just as the weather makes you feel)- but it was a start! I think I should carry on this task and edit these photos into something I would have expected to see; or carry the emotions of the weather I wanted to get across better.

Hope to keep you updated on this editing and other parts of my project!

Back from holiday- and straight into rain.

Coming back from the sunny island of Tenerife straight into the English rain was a 'nice' reminder that I am finally home! But now I am finally back- and able to carry on with my blog and my summer project!

I have thought of some ideas how to make my blog more interesting again (for both my readers and for me personally to write it- and have the motivation to post). I am going to do weekly things as well as my usual ramblings that I have on life, artwork and photography. I thought about what days I would want to post and about what sort of topics- and in the end I thought about having a "Summing up Saturday". So I can talk about something that has made that week memorable- whether it is some of my artwork from the week, a really big rant on something that has happened throughout the week or just something interesting from the week. So you have that to look forward to!

I also am about to post pictures up of some of the friendship bracelets so far- there are only a couple- it's been a busy couple of weeks! I have also put some pictures on instagram- if you have it add me @07elgr. Commence uploading all of these pictures! (Guaranteeing that my laptop crashes half way through and I have to start over!) So keep up to date with my posts- going to put more effort into my blogging!

Finally getting on track with my blog!

Ellie.

I'm finally getting there!

My string has arrived! And I have already started testing out patterns and colours for my new summer project! The only change to my plan for this summer is to stick with this blog and not create another one. I will make another page on this blog just for my friendship bracelets, but I think I will get a higher rate of sales if I sell on EBay rather than on here only. But I will take any orders/interests on my blog as well as EBay, and the discount still applies!

So I will put pictures up soon and start a new page. So keep updated and I will add more artwork, photography and my bracelets! Thank youu!

Ellie. 

I want to get out!

It's oh-so depressing at the moment, with all the rain. I genuinely miss summer. I'm not even sure what the sun looks like any more (not that you should look straight into it anyway!). But I really wanted to go out and get some nice summery pictures, of flowers and of the day time summer sky. The natural light just makes the capture so amazing, but no sun, no really nice natural photography.

So that made me realise how close minded I am to the way I take pictures and what makes them look good. So I have set myself a challenge- to get some nice pictures but in darker natural light or rain.


So another challenge added to my summer project is to get my photography up and going again and challenge myself on the subject matter and light source used for the captures. 

Just a light update at the same time- my thread is ordered and on the way! (For my new entrepreneurial development- the friendship bracelets!) I have got some school work to do! Not so much of a loose end! I have my A level course summer projects, which actually seem quite fun to me at the moment! 

Ellie.

Just a touch more artwork.

Finally getting some artwork done! Getting back to the usual way I do this blog finally! So enjoy some of the latest work- finally had the motivation and inspiration to actually do something constructive!

This one is dedicated to two friends, the picture just looked so perfect so I used it as inspiration. I used only pencil  (only HB) so that's why some of the darker tones are harder to see, plus my camera was playing up slightly. 

This one was just a doodle, that I added some cross hatching in pen to to make a more detailed flower. I am thinking of making this piece stronger my adding some kind of back ground. Any ideas?- Watercolour? Collage? Acrylic? 

This was also inspired by nature- a solitary rose. This was made from pencil, but then edited in instagram. (All artwork I produce is on instagram as well as a couple of random pictures) This was more about the outline than the detail and tone, but still a quick drawing. Again any ideas for a good eye catching background?

Hoping to get a bit more interest in this blog again! Hope to hear from everyone soon.

Ellie. 

I have finally decided on my summer project!

I have finally decided what to do this summer! (shock!) I am going to start a new blog, which is completely dedicated to my artwork and jewellery making. I will try and get some sales on there, but setting up the site is going to be more important for me. So I will make this new blog a more specific one! I will carry on with this blog, but I will be focusing more of my time on the other seeing as it will have more structure and interest to me and the audience of the internet! (Not everyone wants such random blog entries!)

I will get it up and running and sorted out to get some main structure and then add links from my new blog onto here! Hopefully get some feedback? This blog needs work as well, so hopefully my inspiration will show on here as well!

If any followers are interested in free samples of some of the work I do, or any commissions to be done I will do a cut price. (I know again ambitious, but I would like to award some of my most loyal followers some how!)

I have finally worked out how to get the price down and more interesting patterns- so hopefully the bracelet making will just be the start! And updates on instagram are needed too- so add me on that too for even higher cut price!

I hope to get this all up and running by the end of the summer enough to gain little bits of money (no profit, just more an investment and hobby!) and so it is established enough for a handful of people to know about it!

Wish me luck- sorry for the disjointed updates so far, I really need to get everything up and running!

Ellie.

The summer project is underway!

So I've officially finished school! Woop! But I've already started feeling the "loose end" feeling of not doing anything constructive...
So I have decided that I want to put some effort into making money, but in a less conventional way ... I wouldn't want to be predictable! So not only with my summer project of making my own art work and getting people involved in it, I would like to try an create my own app. This again will be very ambitious, but I will have all the time to make it.

Trying to keep myself busy, and I will keep you up to date!

Ellie.

Just a sprinkling of inspiration.

I've been wanting to do more artwork, but I think I have creative-block going on. I think about a piece I really want to set my mind on, and within three seconds I have changed my mind and have no idea what I really want to do! So I thought I would try and get myself more inspired, and show some talented artists, and what really caught my eyes.

Louise Saxton

I loved this style- and this specific piece the best out of all her work. She used left over materials to then make a piece  of art. I love the use of recycling, and feeling like this art work is just a smaller piece of the bigger picture- because the other parts of the material are still out there- making their own art. 

Pat Perry

I love Pat Perry's work, it just shows everything that makes a piece eye catching. The intricate details, distinct proportions, contrasting and complimentary colours. But the subject matter also makes such interesting piece- they all show realistic things, but then twist them to the un-natural eye catching (and pondering- thought provoking) ways.  

Stina Perssons

I really love this style- using watercolours to show the simplist forms of the face, and yet still have quite a lot of detail.  The fading of the complimentry colours just sets the whole piece off, making it 

Summer project update.

So I finally looked at how ambitious this idea of selling things I have made is. 

I worked out that even selling the friendship bracelets at a low price possible I would still make such a loss. Each set of decent threads you need just for those very simple friendships bracelets are about £3 each, I know I got the high end quality stuff, but if you don't all the threads on that string spread apart and become really frayed, especially on something that is made by tight knots. Each piece of string has to be 30 inches long which is probably a tenth of the whole yarn I get. So each piece of string is worth about 30p, and I have about 5 strings in one bracelet, making that at least worth (in raw materials) £1.50. So add on shipping/travelling cost, and my work labour I would have to less them at £3 each. And I know just from looking on Ebay and other sites already you can get them so so cheaply, so you would have to be a big manufacturer to make any profit by getting all these materials cheaper... Which is just stupidly ambitious and not really worth your time.

So I carried on with my other ideas as a trial run, I found that quite a few people were actually interested in buying some of my artwork. Although this was part of my original plan, I really doubted anyone was interested! So now I have to let people honestly judge my work- which is a whole new experience for me, I've never really had that before! So I'll see how that goes, not sure how well it's really going to work, but at least it was nice knowing that some people are genuinely interested! I think it's just given me a little confidence boost I needed to do more adventures and experimental work- and hopefully show you on my here and instagram as well!

Ellie. 

My wish list for summer.

This list seems to have got a lot longer, even though I have been out shopping just to actually have some summer clothes to wear... Which seems a bit ironic because the weather is like mid-winter. But oh-well! Here are just some of the random/useful things I really want to buy over the summer.

I want to get a journal/ sketch book, something that I can take with me on holidays and have pages that work with watercolours and inks. I have always had sketch books and notepads, but I never really finish them, or stick to the same ideas. So it would be nice to finally get to finish one with the spare time I have - and a fresh start, by getting rid of all the old notebooks I have had with sketches in (recycling some pieces if I like them) so I can fully focus on just one, rather than random pieces scattered everywhere!

I want to get some sort of canvas rucksack, just because I want to have a new bag for sixth form- mines slowly breaking.  And I think it will be nice to finally move on with the stuff I originally had in secondary and go for a completely fresh start!

Yes, I know I must look like a seven year old. But these roller skates are just amazing.  For part of my bucket list I wanted to learn how to ice skate, and because it just takes so much effort going all the way to an ice skating rink, hiring crappy skates to then only be bashed around by little kids with no balance (slightly hypercritical, seeing as I have no balance myself) and only be given an hour of this. Is really hard to learn if you only go once in a blue moon, so I thought that these would teach me in the spare time I have, as well as having fun - clearly the pink aspect of them- and actually getting outside and doing something productive; I've got way too lazy! 

I never stick my original plans when shopping- but maybe this year is going to be different! Curious to see what other people want on their wish list this summer; mine isn't that summery because of the lack of sun, maybe someone who has a more positive outlook on the weather would like to share their shopping lists! 

Ellie. 

The first attempts at my summer project.

I couldn't stop thinking about how I have forgotten how much  have loved to make things. Art used to be my way of letting out stress, or keeping my mind occupied on that rather than on other things, so getting back into making-even little things-is a lot more satisfying than I had thought it would have been.

I started just playing around with ideas, but ended up making a little friendship bracelet and a watercolour and pencil drawing of some penguins. Everyone has to start somewhere! and I thought it would just bring some more ideas and parts of my project to do. These were just first little attempts- basically just trying to keep my boredom away, but I think both look okay as quick little pieces that I just did randomly.

It was about time before I started uploading more artwork and more interesting things, so hopefully be back to my normal ways soon! So enjoy, and tell me what you think!

Ellie.- Have to start somewhere! 

Just an update of thoughts.

So I only have 4 more exams to do; still feels like forever though. I'm not quite sure what I want to do in the summer, I've told myself that I wanted to do little projects in the summer, that way I don't feel like I've completely wasted my time.

So I started looking up what I could do with my spare time, good old google! I swear it has the answer to everything- if not the meaning of life one day... Anyways, I came across this site with loads of ideas for toddlers all the way up to technical glass blowers, so nothing sort of a good range of abilities. I wanted to try out some of these ideas, but with my skill I'm not sure how far it's going to get me! But I have decided to try and make some sort of branding and personal making (not sure what sort of things I will make yet) and if it does become a success with what I make maybe try and sell some of it?

I know this is way too ambitious for someone who has no real clue about what sort of audience, what to make, how to brand it, how to sell it... So only a couple of flaws in the plan... But I have 3 months of free time, so I think that's a good learning trial! Hopefully it will give me some inspiration for my blog as well, showing my fails and successes of trying to make things for the first time! Always a good read seeing other people's fail!

So my ideas so far is-

• Jewellery making- I already have loads of glass beads stashed away at home along with wire and a jewellery making set that I never use, so it would be nice to make something of that. So that already gives me loads of different pieces to do- earrings, bracelets, necklaces, anklets, rings... 
• Customising clothes- I'm not entirely sure how I would do this, but I know I have tried in the past to make some shorts, and if I get my sewing machine working again who knows? Bits of bleach/ dip dye? Embellish it? (okay this one is probably a bit far fetched for my skills, but it's always worth a fun try!)
• Maybe selling some paintings or drawings? (again a bit far fetched for what I can usually paint, but again I can just paint something- again no idea what- and post it on here and see the responses first before I decide to offer it up to the public eye!). 
• And finally even try and create some sort of brand name from this all- Of course it's not really going to be the first priority because I want to see the comments and responses I get from this first. I don't want to give a brand name to something that will only get bad recommendations from it! 
• Where to sell? Well I will keep you up to date on the things that I think I should sell, or see if anyone likes it on here first- so it's just a select audience. But then if it does actually come to the point of selling things I though ebay could always be a start? It's just easy to get things across through the internet, rather than having to set up some sort of advertising to let people know you are even selling... Too much work for something that just is a bit of fun!

So this is my summer plan- to try something new, even if it is completely over ambitious, it's worth a try and hopefully won't leave me at a loose end! Hope to keep you updated, and hope to hear what you think about my attempts and the idea! 

Ellie. 

A solitary tear.

That moment you just want to break down. When you realise that you can't do anything better than just cry. But yet you still have that ashamed feeling of being completely useless, that you can do nothing productive, nothing meaningful or worth while. But cry.

I guess this is just an after thought to all the times I have cried for all the wrong reasons. Crying for people that shouldn't mean something to you, crying for someone who never really cared. But I guess it's just human nature to hope and expect the feeling to be mutual, that caring to be mutual.

why do we always have that ashamed feeling that comes with just letting things go just for once? Isn't it better to let things out than let them eat away at you? So why is it such a weakness to let people in and see you cry?


Ellie. - just a thought. 

It's finally time to start saying goodbye.

Just those last couple of weeks, a couple more lessons, 13 more exams. Then it's over. Everything I have worked for up to this point. I was thinking to myself about this is going to become such a relief when I have finally done everything, but what am I going to do with myself for a whole 3 months! I've always had something else I have needed to be doing in the back of my head making me think about what time I have, but without any more work where does that leave me? Well, it leaves me for a whole 3 months without a care, which of course is a good thing after all this build up of stress, but I think I will start becoming lazy. So I have decided that this blog is in need of a lot more love than it has been getting, as well as focusing on more productive things; like reading all the books I have told myself that I will eventually read! I will put up bits of art work, just so I don't turn completely insane with nothing else to do! So this was just a post so it gave me a bit of a push to finally tell myself it will all be over soon! And that a 3 month- no work holiday is going to be what I need! Even if it means a slight bit of laziness! Sorry for the repetitive posts about work, stress and how this blog will get better. But is controlling my life quite hugely at the moment, so I guess it's only natural to see that in my blog! Ellie. Also good luck to anyone else doing their exams :) mine start monday!

Support.

Support- that word that makes even the worst situation seem to slightly melt away into a less intimidating form. 

It just surprises me how the human race works; how we have these "destroyers", "sheep", "victims" and "fixers/supporters"; yet we all balance each other out. The names really say it all- people that destroy everything in their path, the people that just follow the crowd and do anything to fit in, the people that are the butt of every 'joke' or bad word and those people that are always there no matter what fixing all problems.

But even with these groups of the "good Vs. bad" people, we seem to cancel each other out. But the strangest thing I find about human nature of these groups is that the person can switch from group to group depending on the situation, and end up in a group you never expected them to be in.

Lately I have been feeling this, where someone you once knew changes, maybe for better or for worse. But they aren't the same person any more. Making your opinion of that person change and change their group. Or people you don't even know become someone you can fully trust everything in.

It just made me realise that it is human nature to help, it it human nature to show resentment and harsh words at times. But no matter what we feel about each other there will always be someone else to pick you up or to put you down.

So it's just about not wasting time on people that will never show you the gratitude you deserve. And showing the people that give you support you can return the favour. And if you really want to be generous be the person every one smiles at - the person who supports everyone without even knowing them.

Getting support from people that don't even know you that well feels like the world has finally noticed that you need that security blanket. You may not ever talk to them again, but just knowing what ever slip up you make you can rely on them to be there.

Ellie.

THE one.

I'm sorry this isn't going to be a usual post, but hopefully something people can understand and maybe relate to it (but also give sympathy for those people who have been in this position).

I don't really talk about relationships, and where that gets you. But going to have a shot at it:
You fall in love, you fall in love for all the right reasons, you fall because you want that person to catch you. You don't fall because you want to feel the pain of landing without a parachute. So why is it such a crime to love someone who doesn't love you back? There shouldn't be any shame or embarrassment about it, it should be seen as a moment where you show you're full trust in that person, so if they don't return it doesn't mean it's over. It doesn't mean a dead end. It just means that their trust isn't where yours is.

"If you can't go a day without thinking about them don't give up". 

You're my best friend. You may not be "perfect". You may not have the most articulate ways of expressing yourself. You maybe insensitive. You maybe completely hopeless. But you are you. And I love you for your flaws and you're stupid ways.

Your flaws are what makes you most captivating and unique, it isn't your downfall. 

No one is ever going to fill the space you leave. No one is going to be my childhood best friend. No one is going to remember all those stupid little things like you do. No one is going to have such an amazing family. No one is going to be you.

Letting you go...
Is it me being selfish trying to keep you, or just hopeful?
Are you going to be happier without me? Or with another girl?
Are you going to forget about me? Regret "us"?

So many questions, you create this bubble of self doubt. This self hatred that you let it get this bad, that you let yourself fall. Fall flat onto your face.

I know he is so perfect to me, even if he or everyone else doesn't see it.

I don't care what people think. 

How can you feel this way if you don't even get this love back? How can you feel so attached?

Every girl wants that happy ending. Every girl wants to find "THE ONE". Every girl wants to find her knight in shining armour. Every girl wants you to be their best friend. 

So don't play with my heart. 

Ellie. 

P.s Sorry for the rather large rant, that had no real structure, just another one of things that is filling my head up with mush, and just about the time I really need it before exams. SIGH. -.- 

Because there are so many ways of expressing yourself.

Sorry for the lack of posts, I promise after all my exams are done my focus is going to be straight back on to my blog. But it seems I have found other things beyond work that seems to get all the remaining time I have. That's things like instagram, or pottermore, or music. I don't know why, but it seems the busier you are the more distracted you get by other things, I'm not sure if it's just me though! So if any of you like my art work of photography, I hopefully will be setting up some pictures on my instagram account too. So if you want to add me- 07elgr, please do! Again, it will be a slow progress to get running, and probably a bad idea to spread myself over different technology sites. But maybe might just add some variety! Also reciprocal following- follow you if you follow me :) Again sorry for lack of posts, and boring ones- I will dedicate more time to my beloved blog I promise! Ellie.

Looking in the mirror.

Being you. Being me. Those imperfections. Those flaws.

I've always tried to be that person that looks in the mirror and accept themselves as themselves-no changes. That every flaw makes you, you. But if you look even for that second and don't see what you want to see, you feel so disheartened, that you aren't what people expect, you aren't that "ideal".

But what is "ideal" anyway? Stick thin? Long blonde hair? Toned? Tanned? I have been talking to quite a few guys about this, asking them if the smaller sizes (like size 8 and below) was something they found attractive. Most of them said they wanted someone looking more natural than the stick thin we are all accustomed to (generally they said around size12). This really surprised me, I guess I've almost programmed myself to think "thin is a win". All those magazines showing those already skinny girls photo shopped into even skinnier girls, it just makes you think that everyone aspires to this. That everyone finds this "look" attractive. But in reality most guys like what some girls could even call "average". So is being perfect being average? Or just dealing with what you have? Or is there even a "perfect" or just getting closer to perfection?

This all just made me think about how I look and how I present myself to others. I'm not one of those people to be open, and let lots of people in. So maybe that affects how people look at me? Maybe they think I'm not as fun or bubbly? Does my personality affect how people look at me more than my appearance?

I just began to realise that you aren't made to make other people happy. You are made to be an individual, and if that doesn't fit with anyone else, that's fine. That's more than normal, not everyone is instantly going to love you.

This is the picture I showed a couple of guys. And guess which one they chose. 

They chose the one in the middle. The one on the very left is size 6-8, the middle is size 12 and on the very right is the national average- size 16. But looking at it this way just made me think that the difference between both ends of the spectrum didn't even look enough to think about starving your body or cosmetic surgery. 

I guess it just surprised me and went against everything I know has been programmed into me, but still, that sense of urgency to eat better, to loose that extra couple of pounds. Every time you eat something you know you really shouldn't it comes to hit you- you've let yourself down. 

So no matter what people say, I still can't get of all those thoughts of thin is beautiful. It's always there. Whether it's talking to other girls about their weight, or when you see them not eating some meal times, you just think to yourself that it does matter to others, and therefore should matter to you.

I guess it's just sad to think that I have been dragged into this weight/ appearance obsessed world. 

Ellie. 

Feeling a bit low.

It doesn't feel quite like rock bottom yet, but I think I'm getting there. At high speed. 

It's just the simple little things getting you down, but getting you down so often you just really cannot pick yourself back up and imagine it didn't happen. Imagine that it didn't hurt. Imagine that you can get on with your life as if you are still the happy person every one expects you to be.

I mean even subjects I don't like, that I have no reason to try that hard for (because I am neither taking them for A level and I have already got the grades, just retaking to get better ones) I am wasting all my energy on. And making me feel like I can't even manage to get enough enthusiasm to even do the things I promised myself.

It's stupid the way this happens. How the tiny things mount up, and creating something bigger than something that could potentially mean a lot more. I mean I came on here thinking I was going to put out something inspirational to cheer me up a bit, but I kept imagining how I should be working- how every spare moment should be working. I found I have lost a follower- and now this is making me doubt even my blog. The one thing that is truly me, and lifts my spirits a bit. It got me thinking if my moods have been affecting my posts so much so that that reader does not want to read any more? Or that my style has changed for the worse? This is like my get away from things, showing my true self, so it means a lot if someone doesn't like it- or even worse doesn't like it any more...

Why is that the self doubt seems to come rolling in just on the moment you really don't need anything else to bring you down?

I apologise for all the rather depressing things lately, and the lack of any real posts, they will get better, I will perk up again to my old self- but please don't run away in the mean time! D:

Ellie.

Geek-tastic.

I am really sorry for those people who will not ever understand internet games, or the Harry Potter books and films. I just have to share this.

I have now started becoming really fascinated by "Pottermore". I admit to not reading any of the books, and I keep telling myself I will get round to it- they are going to become real classics- the books of our generation that people will remember. I just haven't nearly got enough time to really get into good books! Which sounds like a rather pathetic excuse!

But for all those people who are fascinated in Harry Potter, thinking games, magical intrigue, mythical creatures and really beautiful graphics and interactions for the player please look at Pottermore.

It takes about a day to properly sign up, but it is definitely worth the wait. I have been completely captivated by this; and it takes a lot for me to keep any amount of focus on one thing at a time! Definitely worth a try- and there are more updates coming through!

http://www.pottermore.com/

Ellie.

No motivation.

It's gone. It's all gone.

All the motivation, all the looking forward to finishing everything. Just gone. 

I've got to the point with some things that I just want to give up, there seems to be no rewarding feeling after finishing anything any more. Looking back and thinking I have wasted so much of my time with something I feel no pleasure with, or something that won't even help me in the future.

It just has to be the time that I need all the motivation I have to focus on everything I am doing, with exams coming up, the stress everyone is beginning to feel. So why do when I need it most that those feelings are never there?

Is it just trying to annoy me or just to be ironic?  

Sat here, wondering what I have to drag myself through next to finish. It's like I can feel myself dragging my feet, determined to do anything remotely constructive. I finally know what it feels like to procrastinate to a complete extreme. 

The dread of the last two days of the holidays- getting everything ready for the last term of school. The dread of forgetting something, or not doing well enough.

Filled with dread for the days ahead...

Ellie. 

(Sorry, for the short and uninspiring post- I just thought I would do a reality check on my more up beat "inspiration" and motivation is everything. While in the real world having those constant feelings are nothing but tiring! ) 

Trust.

Trust takes almost a whole life time to fully make, but can only be seconds to break.

You look back and think, why did I even trust this person enough to let them into my life? I know for me letting someone in is something that takes a long time, it takes bravery and some times that last bit of a leap of faith. But what would human kind be without those times where you just have to close your eyes and jump? We would all the be the same, doing nothing with our lives because we would never risk any of it. By why does it always seem that the only time you genuinely do give all the effort you have to trust them, to get down your guard down. I know for some people this is just a natural thing that happens quite regularly. Don't even need to give much consideration or thinking into it, you just let people in.

But where does that real;y get you? Yes, you may have a more people to talk to about your things you want trusted and safe, but how many of them do you really trust with all of it? Trust everything you have ever said and know they are going to take it to their grave. I would rather know that a smaller group of people were there for me, and completely had my back, rather than a larger group of people that may change their "loyalties".

I know this whole trust issue that everyone faces almost seems selfish, that you trust someone that is completely loyal to you- no one else. That's what trust is, a selfish way of protecting yourself and being able to say after all of it either thank you for being there, or I won't be able to trust you again. So why does it take so long to make that trust that can really be relied on, and only seconds to break?

Because it takes a lot for that person to jump, but only a small hole in the parachute is all it takes for that trust to completely fail you.

Ellie.

-And I promise I will put some artwork and photos up at some point, I just feel the need to write about things that have all my thoughts captured.

How to De-stress.

A follow up of my post before- Why I am going to write about it all! I did promise a better title, but nothing really made "stress" sound exciting or catchy. I don't think you can really dress up the word "stress" into something easy or light hearted reading material!

So I was going to write tips that I do, and have heard of that help stress, some are quite... well... unusual. But if your smiling because of reading how to de-stress I think my aim is finally working!

I was going to start with the obvious and hopefully get a little more "adventurous".

1. Before trying to relax yourself organise what ever is getting you worried, nervous or stressed so you feel in control of it. Own up to what is making you stressed, write down little steps that you can take to get to your goal. It makes it less intimidating the smaller steps you make, even if it is planned out for a longer time. 
2. Down time. ME time. This is a bit category that most people rely on to de-stress, and completely differs from person to person what they want to do in their spare time. For me it's usually doing something girly, something I never usual have the time or effort to do it in a relaxing way. So paint your nails, do some online shopping (but only buy things that are small, if you spend too much on something that isn't really on you NEED list it may just have a knock on effect!) , have a proper bubble bath, listen to music with sound cancelling ear phones- shuts out the world more, read something light hearted that doesn't have huge tragedies (one of the mistakes I made!). So basically anything that settles you, and gives you time to yourself not to think about what is going on in the world around you, only what you are doing in those couple of minutes. Do this for about 20 minutes a day before you go to sleep, so it's not too long you feel guilty or too short to relax you. 
3. Something that makes you relax, I have this smell that I associate with relaxation, and it calms me down almost instantly. So think about the foods you have on rainy days all cosy inside, or days that have always made you into a brighter mood. My ideal is lasagne, Chinese, hot chocolate, and a gentle smell of lime scented candles! But whatever works for you.
4. On days off do something that makes you smile, whether it is geeking out, eating out, sleeping in or  staying in. talking to someone who doesn't ask about the deep meaningful things (although that sometimes does help, just get away for a bit and talk or meet up with someone who makes you smile for all the right reasons.)
5. Now we are starting to get into the more adventurous ones! There are some herbal remedies I know some of my friends take, like anxiety herbal balms and sprays. I haven't tried them, but they do seem to work on some people more than others. Here is a site that shows remedies and how they work, and simple tricks to make those remedies work best.
6. EFT, a technique that I find hard to grasp at why it works, and I would find it a challenge to persevere and may it work for me. But everyone else is different, so if things don't work there are always more possibilities. This technique is where you tap a pressure point on your body (usually your forehead or around there) and associate good images and relaxation, so when you touch that point again you should feel the same relaxation. Again there are other types and making it work for you by adapting it is always good. 

That's probably as far as I'm going to go on this post, but if I come up with more I shall link it to the posts already and see if they make any better impacts on stress levels. Hope that helps!

Ellie.

Nothing is impossible.

Those are just silly dreams. Crazy ambitions. Empty promises. 

When you finally realise that everything you had once built up in your mind as the perfect future, the perfect future you have always dreamt about. Completely falls to a stand still, no not even that, makes you feel like you're going through a trap door. Falling with no safety net. Falling.

I know most people are afraid of that feeling, no one can save you if you are already falling- no one can really pull you out. But isn't it the last couple of inches before the floor that everyone dreads? Rock bottom. The words that bring back memories for everyone. 

But weren't those dreams so clear only seconds or days ago? So clear and close to reaching them you could almost feel that you were in control, that you could reach all these dreams and ambitions comfortably and carry onto to the next steps. 

So, why did it all fall through?

The question I ask myself every time I feel I have let myself down. You relied on this part, this part was the main structure to everything. Now when ever someone says to me " Nothing is impossible", I want to just remind them that "it may not be impossible, but close to it." Because not all things are handed to you on a silver platter, not all things are going to be easy. But all things will have a guaranteed risk of tripping up. 

Nothing is impossible if you set yourself reasonable goals, if you really think about what is holding all your dreams together and keeping it that way, and putting in the same amount of effort in as reward you want to get out of it.

Just to end on that post, a rather "uplifting" picture of someone trying to do the impossible.

Ellie. 

A sigh of relief.

I don't know if this feeling is something that I have come accustomed to, or something everyone else has to deal with to.
That feeling once you finally have got other that thing you were dreading for months, the one that keeps you awake at night worrying over what is going to happen, that feeling of stress and anxiety. You wait for the feeling of relief, but it never comes, it's because you're already worried about the next stage in your life, the next thing you have to spend your time getting sleepless nights over.

I really admire all those people who commit so many things at once, I know I would never have the time or energy to be able to do any sort of competitive sports or time taking opportunities, because my work load is seriously already full.

So I thought that this holiday would be a welcome relief, to get out of the way all my HAVE TO DO list, and yes, it is in capitals that's how far behind I feel! But the holidays just seem to exaggerate all the things I really need to do, although a lot of coursework and exams have already gone, it's just seeing the exams written down in order in front of you; you just sit there quietly thinking "How, how am I going to get through this".

I'm one of those people who stress over EVERYTHING. Literally everything. I just don't feel like that sigh of relief that it is all over is going to come round any time soon. So this post has been the starting of my next couple of post's themes.

"How to get over stress for exams". 

But hopefully it will have a snapper title before I begin to write how I de-stress, but I guess it can be more generalised into just "stress" rather than "work stress". But you will have to wait and see until I come up with some ideas that should help people, and hopefully some of those can work for you, or just put a smile on your face reading or hearing about these "techniques".

Sorry for the post about the plan of my ideas, just thought it made more sense than having a random "how to" post. So will keep you updated on how to de-stress!


Ellie. 

A memory.

I recently got a present from a friend, not one of those presents that lasts forever or anything that other people could appreciate. But those presents are always the best, because it means something to you personally.

It wasn't extravagant, it just meant something to me, because of all the memories we shared around it. It made me think about how I had associated this with that person, so now whenever I see it I can't help but smile. It really made me think that everyone must have these- everyday objects that most people see as boring or simple, but for you they mean so much more. They remind you of all the times spent together, and it just made me think about how we make connections in our brains about that person and object.

For me if I smell freshly cut grass I think about the spring, and then spring time links with Easter... It just made me think about how our brains connected everything together to make a easier link between each set time frame or event. It made it feel surreal that I could remember everything in so much more detail just because I could see that object. It all came flooding back, and it felt nice to feel like you were closer to that person.

I guess it just surprised me to think how many memories I have had with that person, and it was nice to feel closer.

Just one of those eye opening things that surprised me to think that there was more to what I originally remembered.

Ellie. 

Is this viral Kony thing real?

There is so much controversy around this subject. The you tube video made to play on human empathy to get all those views and shares. I can completely understand if this were all true, if these criminal actions were really happening. But how can this all be true if there is so much reason to believe it's not too, and we haven't heard about it before now if Kony was meant to be a role of power over 20 years ago why wouldn't there be more charities trying to raise this awareness?

Yes, the you tube video looks so real, and pulls at all our heart strings, but after hearing just some of the people talk about this, and actually put some effect into looking this all up and researching it, it makes it seem even more of a hoax. I know I have hardly researched it as keenly as some people out there, or have any first hand experience of Uganda, and I would love to believe that someone used their fame like this to really put all this forward. And make a difference. But if it were real why would they have so many people questioning it?

Listen to her points she makes - a girl I found who seemed to give many valid points on this argument, but there are so many others like her that have posted objections and raised quite worrying questions on this case.

I mean has anyone even thought about the campaign and how they want young people to protest? They want us to go into the streets at night and cover cities with posters. When I heard about this at first I really wanted to go and post these around- make a difference and do something I could be proud of. But this act of covering private property is a felony. "Poster blanketing" is illegal. I know that some protests are illegal, I'm not naive about how some protests raise awareness, but in such a large scale to the target audience of teenagers that don't know any better how can this be a charity? Leading young teens to have warnings or criminal records (or at least some sort of fine), aren't they making young people's lives worse than making them better? I mean I just got the answer from Yahoo, but it sounds clear cut and right. The link.

So I'm all for human rights, and protesting against what you believe. But if you really want to make the world a better place think about the provenance of the charity and if it is really trustworthy.

Ellie. 

15 best pick up lines.

I don't normal comment on the whole relationships scene, but I just though that these were something that really made me laugh and think about all those guys who must have sat there for hours trying to figure out new ways in which tom impress girls, all which fail.

The good old classical "pick up lines".

I just wanted to share some of them and see if any of them would even make it worth while to carry on talking to the guy or even laugh at (and no, not laughing with you, more at you). So just enjoy, and think of all the cringing moments a guy has actually tried this on with some girl in a bar...
(Just for the giggles.)


Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?

I'm glad I've got my library card, because I'm checking you out.

Did you just fart? Because you just blew me away.

Was that an Earthquake? or you just rockin' my world?

Are you a magnet? Because I can't help being attracted to you.

Why don't you come over here and sit on my lap, and we can talk about the first thing that pops up.

If you were a booger I would pick you first.

If I could arrange the alphabet I would put U and I together.

Can I take a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

Can I borrow your number? I lost mine.

I hope there's a fireman around, because you're smokin'.

Hey, I just realised this, you look like my next girlfriend.

Are you an interior decorator? Because when you came in the room you made it beautiful.

Apart from being sexy what else do you do for a living?

Do you have a plaster? Because I hurt my knee falling for you.



Well, that put a smile to my face reading these!

Ellie.

Art beyond a photo.

So most of you have seen my artwork, but all of it has been some what conventional and predictable- a couple of sketches and some photos. But I wanted to show that your creativity doesn't limit you by your media, and that it doesn't even have to be a picture, or artwork. But something that is meaningful to you that can expresses how you feel. I think I should put some abstract pieces on here at some point, but I'm not sure how many people will actually understand what I have created or what it means to me. So it may be too personal to truly interpret any ways! But it's something I would like to see your reaction on.

But enough with the boring introduction and organising my blog out for normal people to understand why I have done everything. And on with what I wanted to create differently today!
I wanted to create something that wasn't a picture, and it should hopefully tie up with a recent post on "A picture can speak a thousand words"- But don't worry it's not going to be a thousand words... Hopefully.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror, 

Why am I doing this to myself?

Yeah, I forget about the consequences

and now and then I get insecure,

More the pain,

I'm so ashamed.

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while,

I don't care what they say.

Someone told me I should take caution.

But today is where your book begins, 

The rest is still unwritten.

I guess this is more a of a tribute to all those artists who don't just write about girls and parties. But to those artists that inspire the good in us, to be something really inspiring and influential. I hope you can recognise most lines and artists mentioned.

Ellie. 

A picture can speak a thousand words.

"A picture can speak a thousand words"- probably everyone has heard this saying at one point in their life, but can a picture really capture everything that is to be said in a thousand words just by that millisecond of taking that photo?

What about the fact that "actions speak more than words" doesn't that mean that actions mean more than that picture holding 1000 words? How can simple actions be more than those well thought out words trying to express everything to someone else?
But maybe these are just opinions on what people prefer more- actions, words or just a millisecond slice of it- And really depends on the situation.

Personally little actions do speak more than words for me, think about a time when someone has really made you smile. Was it because they were writing a long essay to you, or just because they made you feel safe with something simple as a smile towards you? I think body language can speak more than words, if someone is saying sorry but not looking in your eyes you wouldn't believe that they are truly sorry, and in that aspect I think body language can make either the perfect moment or break it completely. Showing that the words of pictures have to be followed by the good intentions of the actions, so without the action in the first place there wouldn't be that same feeling and love within those loving words or picture.

I love standing back and watching those perfect moments unfold, just like in the romantic films you see.
Where the guy is always the caring gentleman, the woman is always vulnerable but strong willed- and together they make it through everything.

That kind of love doesn't need those long essays, or constant reminders of how much they mean to each other. They are just reminded by the fact they feel safe knowing that they are there together, and those little actions of constant selflessness for the other person just shows how they feel. I think every girl has the same feeling- wanting their guy to be their knight in shining armour.

Sorry for the soppy post today, I think I needed it against all my rather cynical posts!

Ellie.

Stress.

Most people have nightmares about not being able to run away from someone or something. Or the feeling of falling waking you up. Or being sat in an exam not having an clue why you are even there.

Those sleepless nights where your brain keeps ticking away and you can't get any real sleep because you are so focused on what you need to do, and what you should of already done better. 

I don't know whether it's my brain telling me I need to be better, do better, push myself to who I can really be, or my brain just not being able to let me rest, and stop thinking about everything. But whatever sleepless nights are because of it doesn't help the amount of stress that everyone goes through. Sleep deprivation on top of the stress isn't helping, so why do we have it as a human instinct? 

I think most people agree that sleep is their own way of having "me time", so why is it that when you really need that "me time" you never seem to get any? It really does confuse me, how does this design in evolution help anything? 

My usual ways of de-stressing is eating lots of ice cream, or anything that puts a smile on my face. But I just don't feel up for making myself feel lazy and sick by eating too much! Other than that I go shopping, or do my work but neither seem to have the same satisfaction as they did before, I guess the sleep deprivation has had me on edge for quite a while. 

I know so many people who have stressful points in their lives, where they just want to sit in a dark room for hours just shutting the world out. The feeling of regret as you wake up in the morning after a completely sleep less night, but you can't do anything but smile and hope that no one notices the fact that you have yawned more then 10 times in the last half an hour. 

I guess it just shows strength in character not to run away from all the obstacles thrown at you, but to face them and try you hardest every single time.

I know I don't usually do personal posts, but I thought I would do something that I felt for at the moment. I just wanted to show that everyone has the same emotions thrown at them one way or another, but the way we deal with them as individuals and as a community makes us who we are. 

Ellie.

Somethings can be more than you think.

When you think of the designing world is it the simplistic reality of normal everyday things? Or something so creative you never would of imagined let alone seen it created?

For me it's always been such a mystery to how something that can be so simplistic can be created into something so beautiful. You probably think I'm being some what over dramatic, about this whole topic, but it's something I have always been interested in and has really inspired me. All this time I have been trying to make others think when I haven't really shown you what my inspiration is and what has always influenced me. So I think it's about time!

So I don't really do personal posts that often, but just this once you will get an insight into the person behind all these posts! If you haven't already wondered already!

I didn't really know how to make other people understand how beautiful some design work is to me, there are so many sites, pictures to choose from- and then all within different genres I had no idea where to start. So I thought about what things I love to see the most and almost did it in chronological order, I will explain why the higher up ones are most important to me.

I just love shoes, I am sorry, what do you expect from a girl? But I love this print- it's retro and yet has that contrast of the really modern heel shape. It's just so unique, and fun!

I really love this because everyone has a piece of jewellery, that normal shape that anyone could make up. But this plays on the individuality of nature and shape contrasts. The very smooth curves and bolder sharper shapes make it eye catching.

I really love this because my other pictures are based on just one element, while this plays with your imagination and perception of what you would expect a room to be like. If someone told you without the picture that there is a light room with only whit furniture, you probably wouldn't imagine this. I just wanted to show how far you can stretch your imagination and still be able to create it.

I think this one is most important to me because it lets you have your own sense of design and style within how you choose to colour or leave completely blank. A designer that gives you guidelines to your own canvas. I also like this design because it's something everyone sees everyday-wallpaper, but you can look at it in a different light this way. It makes you think twice about what every objects can be.

Opportunities- the gate way to your future.

Opportunities. As you grow up you must of heard this word so many times: to make the best of what you have; to follow a path of chance. But this association with this word makes it seem like such a huge task; that you actually have to try so hard just to get a chance or opportunity that others may have on a silver platter.

I know that's something that really gets to me, people who have all the chances in the world handed to them, just because they have some sort of title they didn't work for, some sort of connection with those people, some sort of way of paying themselves into what ever they want. I know this is only a small minority of people, but I don't know whether to be jealous or sorry for them. They have what others always wished for- a chance. But what does that chance mean if they didn't fight for it? If they didn't prove themselves like the rest of us, how does that give you any feeling of satisfaction? I know for me the working hard to get there means so much, bot just be doing something fulfilling but I know if I have any self doubt in what I'm doing I know that I should be there, I have earned it myself to be in that position.

As a complete contrast I never understand those people who don't push themselves, don't challenge themselves to be who they want to be. I couldn't be one of those "happy go lucky" people, I don't know anyone is. They just wait for chances to come to them, rather than grabbing and making opportunities for themselves.

I know myself I would find it impossible to wait, and hope. It makes you stand out against the crowd, be someone you would choose to give that opportunity if you were in the position to giving that chance out to others.

Although this is a bit of a clichéd topic, just imagine where you would be without all the chances that have been given to you, and all the work you put in to getting where you want to be. I don't think any human would be where they are today without the opportunities they have been given.

So choose a path, but don't be afraid to stray from the path and follow your own feet.

Ellie.

Disappointment.

I'm not usually one of those people that openly show their feelings to everyone, but something that I will always be open about with others is my disappointment. I don't know why, it's a feeling that makes you regret, and make you challenge how you originally thought about that topic or person.

For me it comes in many forms, whether it is what a person has done or what I have done personally. But what ever the reason it leaves you feeling bitter, and slightly useless. What ever you put yourself forward to do, you put enough effort in for feel that sense of disappointment at the end if you didn't do as well as you expected. You must have felt connected and hopeful about it enough to be upset about it enough to feel like you should of done better.

Or maybe it was that hope of something better, maybe it is like the picture I put along with this- the anticipation of something to arrive, or open. And it's nothing like what you hoped for, that sigh of disappointment. That sigh of what you hoped. That sigh of regret.

So what is disappointment? Regret? Or what happens when you become over ambitious? Or false hope?

I know that I hate feeling being insecure about something, that false hope, that false sense of security. But disappointment is that feeling, just after everything happened. And there is no undo button.

So is disappointment more regret or just not expecting the outcome?

Ellie.

Miracles or false hope?

Why do we even have the word "miracles"? I think it just sets up us to think that they exist, that they exist on a regular basis, that they exist enough for every human being to see one or be part of a miracle at one point in their lives.

So just by having this word exist does it make you feel like it's going to be something you will see? And even if this word does exist what would you classify as a "miracle"? What's the difference between a miracle or just being lucky? So be honest, do you think that there are some things that could be classed as a miracle?

I know that all miracles aren't going to be like the parting of the sea, the feeding of the 5,000, David and Goliath. I am not religious, but reading/hearing these miracles, doesn't it just make you wonder and compare what sort of "miracles we see today?

So can we really class something really lucky as a "miracle" if we compare what others have told us? How do we really believe in such a thing as miracles if we never see them ourselves?

So the word may be misleading but maybe it gives hope to those who have nothing else to hope for. But doesn't that just mean that they have a false sense of security? They have given themselves false hope?


Ellie.

(Sorry for the literal picture! The effects you can do on Photoshop are just mind blowing sometimes!)